You must use four words letter each Parent

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Rearing children has never been an easy task. Children are human beings in an underdeveloped state and just like their adult counterparts; they exhibit personality traits that can be challenging. Unfortunately, more and more parents are opting for the easy way out and not promoting healthy development in their children. More and more parents are focusing on the intellectual and athletic development of the child ignoring the psychological and sociological development. What is a parent to do? Are there enough words to help develop a truly well rounded adult? Below you will find the best four letter words every parent should use to rear healthy, competent, loving, and happy children.

TIME

"Quality Time vs. Quantity Time" has been kicked around for two decades as a way of absolving parents from their key responsibility: rearing their children. Bussing children around from one sporting event to another is not quality time. Only one in 16,000 children will grow up to be a professional athlete. How many "Hall of Famers" have you heard thank their little league coaches? Unless that person was a parent, the answer is none. How many wealthy men have left their fortune to any of these groups? However, wealthy men who left vast amounts of money to the Boy Scouts of America for the same reason: promotion of values, family involvement, and civic involvement. A parent must ask the following questions: Why am I carting my children off to all these events? Is it truly for the child or are you living vicariously through the child? Are you using your child as a status symbol? When we are together, are we talking about the child, or the activity? One last question, ask your child what the child would love to do if the child could choose the activity. If your child truly thinks of you as a parent and not a dictator (one who dictates activities) then the answer might surprise you.

PLAY

Playing is a child's work. It is through play that a child discovers and develops certain skills. A two-year-old needs to learn how to roll a ball back and forth, and preliminary social skills not the alphabet. A parrot can memorize the alphabet, and a chimpanzee can learn sign language. There is no great skill or higher intelligence in that. Playing is a child's version of stress release. It seems odd that someone who in 1968 could enter first grade without knowing how to read, attend a school day that included two fifteen minute recesses and an hour lunch, during a school year that began the day after Labor Day and concluded before Memorial Day and still grow-up to graduate college and end up a CEO of a major company. Why do we think that play is a waste of time? Play is fun. It makes you laugh thus lowering blood pressure, includes using various muscle groups through activity which keeps weight down, and is multi-dynamic: teaches life lessons, sharing, patience, reading, problem solving, arithmetic, rhythm, strategy, cause and effect, decision making, honor, self-worth, dignity, self-esteem, etc. Anytime a child plays any game, even if alone, a valuable lesson is learned. Just because a self-absorbed workaholic parent cannot see that does not make it less true. It is even more important for children to have parents play with them. Educational television is the poorest substitute for parental involvement, the parent is the primary educator in a child's life. Do you really want your child to talk about playtime with an animated character as the happiest childhood memory?

Video games only count if they last for an hour or less, and the whole family is actively involved. A child that spends more than an hour, and worse, alone playing video game does not gain any tangible intellectual, physiological, psychological, or sociological reward. Bill Gates does not own a video game system.

TALK/DINE

Children want parents to talk with them, even when they say, "Nothing" or "I don't want to talk about it." How will a child know what is important in life if the parent will not talk to the child? One of the best times to talk with your child is at the dinner table, not in some restaurant, fast or five stars, but in the safety and quiet of home. Home is safe base; it is a time for the child to have the parent alone. Practice rephrasing questions so that they are open-ended, cannot be answered with "yes" or "no." Parents need to listen to their children and talking with them about their day even if the events may not seem important or educationally sound to you. It does not matter the child's nationality, creed, race, or favorite team most of them will answer this question the same way:

PARENT: "What did you do in school today?"

CHILD: "Nothin' "

It is surprising how many parents accept that answer carte blanche. Many adults answer that question the same way when "work" is substituted for "school." The reason is simple, school is repetitive, the same subjects everyday. The child is just regurgitating an auto response. The teacher or teachers are teaching and the child is learning. Try reframing: "Did anything new, exciting, interesting, insane happen today?" The humor of the question will flip the auto switch off, and the choices will hit upon a memory. Unfortunately, parents want to hear about the joys of arithmetic, writing, reading a classic. If parents will honestly recall their own childhood, they will remember that PE, art, recess, etc. were their favorite times, too. The object is to accept this answer, expound upon it and lead the child toward the academics. Share some of your own experiences, good and bad.

Let your children know what you value and why. Why must the child make all As? Is it for a better future for them, or parental bragging rights at work? Studies have shown repeatedly that the B-C student is the most successful in life because the student understand failure is transitory and the student has the power, ability, to effect change upon the grade; the student is not the grade.

PRAY

It is not the fact that God has been removed from schools but that parents have removed Him from the home. A child who is given a spiritual support system tends to handle the difficult moments in life. The world is not worse, contrary to popular belief; however, the coping skills are nonexistent. Everyone needs to know that there is a Higher Force in control when they have lost control. It does not matter how this Higher Force manifests itself as long as it is positive. A centering prayer is a good way to help a child refocus when Life throws a curve ball. Prayer can give a parent the needed time to rephrase before reacting in a harmful manner, whether physically or verbally.

Pray with your child, for your child, for yourself, for others who encounter your child.

WORK/EARN

Children need to learn that money, privileges, items, grades, etc. are earned not owed. Children get a true feeling of accomplishment when they work and earn something. A parent does not help a child by giving the child everything the child wants without earning it. A baby chick that is helped out of the shell instead of pecking its way out is not strong enough to survive. It is true with children who never learn the value and accomplishment of earning something through work. A parent who completes a child's homework because the child says it is too difficult sends one of two messages: the child is not capable of completing the work, or the parent is a tool to be manipulated. Work with the child, reframe for the child, teach the child to ask the teacher for help, but do not complete the assignment for the child. Often a child is frightened of failure, or the unknown outcome and is looking for reassurance from the parent. When a parent gives in the child's unspoken fear is now validated: I'm not smart/strong/good enough.

LOVE

You may not always like your children but you must always love them. It is important that parents tell children often that they love them. All children go through periods of doubt, especially when they have committed some offense. Children do not always "know" that parents love them. If a parent cannot say the words, "I love you," to a child something is wrong and the child will interpret it as rejection. Things are not love, love belongs to people not to things. It is not money that is the root of all evil but the love of money. A child will reciprocate to the world the love received at home.

Lust is not love. Children need to learn that sexual desire does not equate love. If a child is not shown love at home, hugs for example, then the child will seek that physical connection somewhere else. Children need to be loved in a safe and accepting environment in order to grow into loving adults.

Love carries an obligation to be good, kind, and gentle to those who are weaker. Love means that, though someone makes you angry you have no right to harm them or hate them. As a parent, you need to teach your child to let go of the hate and anger created by the child's actions or the actions of others. Love does conquer all but you have to let go of hurt feelings to experience that caused the anger.

HOPE

Children need to know that "the sun will come out tomorrow." Children need to know that no matter how hard a situation becomes it will get better, it might take some time, but it will get better. Children need to know that they are a parent's hope for the future. The parent knows the world will be better because they are in it. The truth is because of hope the world will get better.

LIFE

Life is not fair. Life is not easy. Life happens. Life is disappointing. Life is boring. Starting in the mid-70s parents decided they needed to protect children from Life. You cannot. Children need to experience life in order to learn how to navigate past the difficult parts. Children who are taught they can say or do anything they wish without consequences fail in life. Life means "no" more times than "yes." The work force has taken a serious turn toward the worst because children have not learn the meaning of "no," discipline, responsibility, honor, pride, or love.

Life is beautiful because other people share in it. Life offers many fulfilling opportunities the most important of which is the number of diverse people in it. Life is rewarding because of the beauty it holds through Nature. Life is worth living because of every single life each person touches whether the other person realizes it at the time or not. Every child's life has a purpose and it is the obligation of every parent to encourage every child to seek and fulfill that purpose.

REAL

Aging teaches children the difference between reality and fantasy as long as the parent guides the child through the process. It is not reality to give children everything they want because that is not Life. Children who do not learn that there is a hierarchy will fail to become productive in the business world. The real world teaches everyone that there will always be someone else to whom they answer. Even someone who owns a business is accountable to suppliers and customers. The real world proves every day that an adult who throws a tantrum is either mentally ill or immature and not to be taken seriously.

In the real world, there are consequences for actions. Physics, every action has an opposite and equal reaction, cannot be denied forever even if it seems a person has gotten away with an illegal or unethical activity. Every Holy Book has some equivalent of "what goes around comes around." Children need to know that a parent cannot always rescue them from problems of their creation.

WANT/NEED

There is a huge difference between want and need. Children, by their egocentric nature, want everything. However, if a parent provides too many material things to a child at an early age then how does the child learn appreciation or gratitude? If a child needs the latest style in clothes in order to express individuality, or an item because everyone else has one, or a high tag item to fit in and the parent gives in without explanation, then parent has proven to the child material possessions are more important than personal growth.

A prime example of this is the perceived need for portable media devices. There was a time when a family trip afforded the perfect opportunity for families to reconnect. Only family members were allowed because the point was family togetherness. The long drive's entertainment included talking, singing (either to the radio or family songs when the airwaves were not available), arguing, reading, crossword puzzles, or travel size version of board games. Now, however, cars are equipped, or can be equipped with DVD players, each child has an individual handheld video game, several members may have MP3 players, or a member is on the cell phone all this going on in place of true communication. Children literally tuning out the world with their parents on the outside. Even when the family shops children and their parents can be seen ear plugged into MP3 players, and cell phones. It is interesting to note that more and more youth retreats and school field trips no longer allow children to bring their electronic devices. One reason is a security issue; however, behind that is an issue that schools are finally starting to address: personal communication between students.

Children's worlds are by nature egocentric, it is a parent's job to help them ascertain between want and need. Take an inventory of a child's room and see how many wanted items have been set aside and neglected for the latest fad.

FREE

What is a list of four-letter word without the "F" word? The entire list if items are free to every individual and maybe that is the problem. In today's society, most individuals are wary of anything that is free. People have been trained to believe that the most expensive is the best, the most exclusive the ultimate. It is important to understand the essence of the human being: to be love, understood, wanted, and productive. All unhappiness can be found in a shortage in one, or all, of those four. Fortunately, all can be attained and parents are the most important supplier.

All parents want the best for their children. However, the past thirty years have placed modern parenting on shifting sand and maintained this precarious foundation through psuedo-educational-psychological smoke and mirrors. Professional educators, child psychologists, and toy manufacturers have made millions on the backs of well meaning but ill- prepared parents. Stop the decline by introducing four letter words into your child rearing vocabulary.

AE Wise is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers. AE has been a teacher, mentor and parent for over twenty years.

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Is child Support laws fair and reasonable for both parents?

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I know that this article as well as this subject is going to touch the chord of so many people both positive and negative, both mothers and fathers. I recently posed a question to both men and women and to my astonishment; both favored and concurred with it. So, what is it? Child support! Did you know that child support is determined on the income of the noncustodial parent? Yes, I'm sure most of you know that. However, do most of you agree that child support laws are antiquated and biased and needs to be changed?

If support payment is based on a noncustodial parent income, then what happens to the excess of the money that is received by the custodial parent once the child's needs are taken care of? Most noncustodial parents want accountability for the payments received. I concur. During the divorce process, both parties are required to present a financial affidavit outlining all their expenses, assets and their income. Why then shouldn't custodial parents outline the monthly expenses of the child or children and present that to establish support payment? If it takes only $500 for a child's monthly expenses and the custodial parent receives $1200, then the remaining $700 is custodial support. Doesn't seem fair does it? The question that was presented to both men and women was should custodial parents be accountable for the child support payment they receive?

Child support laws have changed in many states to include the income of both parents, however, it needs to be changed nationwide for child support to be based on the expenses of each child. Most noncustodial parents would then stop evading child support and those that are reluctant to pay child support will pay child support because it will be based on the expenses and needs of the child. In order to make child support fair to both parents, this small change can be easily implemented when establishing the child support order.

Christy is pregnant by her ex-boyfriend and she came to my office for advice on how to proceed with her relationship with the father of her child. She was initially quite angry and disappointed but elated that she was having a baby. She did not want the father involved with the unborn baby and wanted to do it all by herself. I thought how selfish, but I explained to her that her baby would benefit by having both parents involved in his/her life. In another session, we discuss how much child support she should receive. I asked her to write down all the expenses she would incur from having the baby as well as the budget monthly for caring for the baby. She brought the expenses during a follow-up session and I suggested that is the amount you ask for child support and present the father with the budget. When she came back, her relationship with the father had taken a positive turn. Christy informed me that he was relieved that she was fair and equitable in deciding on the financial responsibility of raising their child.

However, the face of child support is changing. Statistic shows that 85% of custodial parents are mothers and 15% are fathers. The fasting growing segment/population of parents are fathers. More and more fathers are fighting for custody and in today's changing world; more fathers are getting custody of their children.

This is the perfect place to introduce Denise. Denise contacted me last year when her husband, of whom she was separated from, kept her two children when they visited him for the summer. She wanted to know her rights and the rights of her husband. What I told her shocked her. No parent actually has custody of their children unless it is outlined and determined in a divorce decree or in other documentation signed by both parents. I suggested to Denise that when the children come back for the Christmas holiday she could keep the children with her. However, I also suggested that she should have a candid conversation with her children to see where they prefer to live, with mommy or daddy.

At Christmas her two children came to visit, however, Denise did not take my advice. The children went back after the holiday to their father. During her divorce hearing in the following spring, and when the issue of custody was presented, the judge asked, "if you wanted the children with you, why didn't you keep them when they came to visit?" He continued to say, "if you didn't think the father was doing a good job with the children, why did you allow them to stay with him for so long." Denise called me after the hearing and informed me that the father was awarded custody and she should have listened to me.

Denise is not the only mother I know that doesn't have custody of their children and is the noncustodial parent. I have several mothers that I consult that are noncustodial parents. What happens when mothers are noncustodial parents? Do they have to pay the percentage outlined in child support laws? The answer is yes. What I've seen when mothers are noncustodial parents are fathers are more lenient to mothers paying child support and seldom demand that they pay the amount outlined in child support laws. This is the case for Denise. She only pays a small amount per month to the father for the care of her two children.

After seeing a trend in the way fathers who are custodial parents allow the mothers who are noncustodial parents to pay a smaller amount from the norm, it got me to thinking, why are so many mothers, who are custodial parents demanding noncustodial parents to pay a percentage of their income when in most cases that amount greatly exceed the need of the child or children.

I'm hoping that the laws will change in the future to allow custodial parents to outline the monthly expenses of their child or children when faced with child support. More noncustodial parents will stop evading paying child support and more will spend quality time with their children. Since 1975, over $100 billion is owed in unpaid child support. Of the amount owed, 70% of the noncustodial parents make less than $10,000 annually. The figure continues to grow because of the economy and the high number unemployment rate because of the amount of people being laid off. However, if both parents are working together for the same goals, and those goals are to love, provide, protect, be their physically, emotionally, and spiritually for our children, we are providing the best for our children.

When noncustodial parents pay child support, they are more likely to be involved and spend quality time with their children. Statistic shows that when both mother and father are actively involved in their children' lives, the children do better in school, more likely to go to college, less likely to be involved in drugs, less likely to get pregnant, and less likely to be involved in gangs and violence. It starts with noncustodial parents being treated fairly when it comes to child support. After all it is "child support" not "custodial parent" support. Let's work together to change the laws as it pertains to the monthly amount noncustodial parents pay for child support. You can start by contacting and writing your Senator or State Representative asking them to change the laws and make child support based on the monthly financial needs and expenses of the child or children. We can make a difference and we can strengthen families.

A child needs both parents involved in their life. When one parent abuses or misuses the other parent, a great amount of strain is placed on the relationship. The parent who is absent from the home, the noncustodial parent, will feel resentment and most likely stay away, even at the sacrifice of not seeing his/her child or children. I hear it time and time again from noncustodial parent and in most of my sessions with custodial parents; I communicate the frustrations and desires of noncustodial parents. Some times my message is positively received and other times the emotions of the custodial parents and noncustodial parents perpetuate a great division between both parents. I strongly believe that if most custodial parents appreciated and respected noncustodial parents many dilemmas between the two parents could be greatly avoided. Also, by no means am I taking away the responsibilities of noncustodial parents, what I see daily are the opportunities being taken away from noncustodial parents.

When one parent is no longer living in the same household with the other parent and children, a child support battle ensues. It can be made easier with less emotion and with both parents satisfied with the process if the actual expenses of the child or children are taken into consideration. All noncustodial parents will know exactly where the money is being spent and that child support payments are being accounted for. Parenthood is an opportunity and responsibility. So many times one parent takes that away from the other parent. We as parents can make a difference in the lives of our children by providing the best for them. The best for them is both parents actively participating and involved in our children lives and both parents wanting and providing the best for our children. What a wonderful world this would be.

Here are some suggestions to move more towards an amicable relationship with the other parent.

o Decide that your child's or children' best interest is the most important aspect of the relationship with both parents.

o Write a budget for each child. Make a list of all the expenses that is involved with the monthly care and needs of each child.

o Start appreciating the other parent and realize that they make a world of difference in the lives of their children.

o Get past the emotional upsets that caused the relationship to go awry. Parenting without the emotional upsets toward the other parent will open up a new relationship between both parents that will ultimately benefit your children.

o Contact your child support office and let them know that the budgeted amount calculated in as mentioned above in the second point is what you want to receive monthly for child support.

o Contact your Senator or State Representative and let them know that child support law need to be based on the expenses of each child and abolish the percentage of income of the noncustodial parent based laws.

o Watch and see the noncustodial parent playing a more important and bigger role in their child's or children' lives.

o Watch and see the difference in your child or children.

o Better yet, watch and see how your life will ultimately change because of letting go of all the hurt, pain, anger, disappointment, frustrations and whatever other emotional baggage that festered inside of you. Your family will completely change for the better.

I hope that these suggestions are received and are acted upon and that overnight your life, your children' lives and the noncustodial life will change for the better. However, we are all human and it make take some longer than others. The most important aspect of change is wanting to change and wanting what's best for not only ourselves, but for those we love. Start with one suggestion and keep adding each day, each week and whenever you're able to move on.

Take my advice because I have played the role of both custodial and noncustodial parent and I feel and have lived the experiences of both. Trust me, my advice will make a world of difference for your children.

Dawnette Lounds-Culp
Publisher/Author
The Face of Child Support
http://www.angeleyespublishingco.com

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"Most children are raised by amateurs, not professionals."

- Bryce's Law

INTRODUCTION

Want to know what to expect of the work force in the years ahead? Look no farther

than our schools or homes. Let me preface my remarks by saying that in addition

to all of my other responsibilities, I was very active in my local Little League for a

number of years where I served as coach, umpire, and on the local board of

directors. Further, I have been very active locally in offering Masonic scholarships to

High School students. In addition, my wife has been active in the local school system

for the last ten years at the elementary, middle, and high school levels (this also

included PTA and SAC). Although we probably won't win an award as the world's

best parents, we made a point of becoming an important and influential part of our

children's lives. We didn't take any special courses in parenting, we just got

involved. But we are the exceptions as opposed to the rule.

Prior to World War II, the country was immersed in an economic depression which

put a strain on families and disrupted our society. Everyone in a family was expected

to pitch in and do their part in order to survive, this included going to school and their

place of worship. Some families suffered severe hardships during this period causing

children to drop out of school and go to work. They didn't drop out as some form

of rebellion or protest, but to simply earn money to help support the family. Consequently,

many earned nothing higher than a Junior High diploma which was prized by many

families. The point is, there was a sense of family back then and the people's hunger

built character. They understood the value of a dollar, worked hard and squandered

nothing. It was this generation that got us through the war and propelled the country

towards economic success in the latter part of the 20th century.

In the 1950's and 1960's, as the country was experiencing an economic boom, a parent

normally stayed at home to manage the family, usually the wife. If a child

had a problem, a parent was always home to tend to their needs. Children no longer

had to drop out of school to support the family and our High Schools and Colleges

swelled with students. The "baby boomers" were considered well adjusted

and readily adapted to the work force. This generation saw us through the space

race and the technology revolution which changed the face of corporate America.

But in the last three decades, we began to lose faith in our economy and our

standard of living. As a result, both parents began to work inordinate hours and a

generation gap began to emerge. Exhausted by their work, the parents

would return home where the last thing they wanted to hear was their child's

problems. Consequently, children became social outcasts in their own homes and

often had to fend for themselves; they simply couldn't relate with their parents. Sure,

the parents would sign their kids up for Summer Camp, Little League and Soccer, but

this was viewed more as baby-sitting services as opposed to taking a true interest in

the child's development. They would also give their kids television sets and video games

to occupy their time.

Today, school teachers have become surrogate parents by default, something

they weren't trained for, nor inclined to accept. Talk to a teacher and you will hear

stories of lack of respect for authority, poor manners, and dysfunctional social

intercourse. Children today no longer learn their values from their parents

but rather from Hollywood. As young adults entering the work force, their work

ethic, values, and behavior are noticeably different than the prior generation. There

is no longer a sense of quality, service, or craftsmanship; just put in your time and

collect a paycheck. This is all having an adverse effect on how we conduct

business and the corporate culture.

Now, let me give you a the scary figure: probably 20%, or less, of today's

graduating High School seniors are socially well adjusted.

Knowing this, what should you do as a manager?

THE NEED FOR PARENTING

In the past, if you were a new employee, it was assumed you knew how to manage

your personal life and you were expected to adapt to the corporate culture. This

is no longer true and presents a problem for managers. Younger employees today

have problems managing money, dressing appropriately, and interpersonal relations

and communications, not to mention alcohol, drugs, and sex. They are raw and rough. But

are they salvageable? They better be, for your company's sake, as they represent

tomorrow's work force.

Perhaps we can take a lesson from the military services here. The military is

well aware they are not getting the "cream of the crop" when they take on new

recruits. Many are social misfits coming from broken homes. As such, the

military's initial role is to break the individual of bad habits and impose a new

system of discipline and work ethic. Individualism is replaced by teamwork and,

in the process, a sense of belonging and family is imposed. This is either readily

accepted by the new recruit or they are drummed out of the service. Discipline,

organization, teamwork, and a strong work ethic can have a dramatic affect on a

drifting soul. By doing so, it can bring order to lives and a sense of purpose,

something that perhaps was neglected at home.

Today's Drill Instructors and junior officers also find themselves as surrogate parents

and are now instructed in counseling young soldiers. The boot camps of today are

a lot different than what the country experienced during World War II, Korea, and

Viet Nam. Yet, we are producing a fine class of soldiers which makes our country

proud. In other words, they must be doing something right.

If we have learned anything from the military in this regard, it is that the

times have changed and our employees today have different needs requiring

a new type of manager who can adequately tend to them. And like today's

Drill Instructors and school teachers, managers are finding themselves in the

role of surrogate parents, like it or not. Managers bristle at this notion. After all,

they want to get on with their business and do not want to be regarded as a

baby-sitter. But the fact remains, home parenting skills are at an all-time low

and to overcome this problem, someone has to assume the duty to compensate

for this inadequacy. Again, the military readily understands this and has adapted

accordingly. But can business?

Understand this, corporate America's "recruits" come predominantly from the

colleges and universities whose purpose is not to teach social skills, but rather,

to teach people how to learn. A college diploma most definitely does not

mean the graduate is socially well-adjusted, but that he/she has learned to study

and accept new ideas. If anything, the student's extracurricular activities tell

more about a person's personality than the degree itself. For example, participation

in team sports, club activities, or Greek life speaks volumes about a person's

personality and social skills.

PAST EFFORTS

In the past, new corporate recruits underwent special training programs to learn how

the company conducts business. Sales people in particular had to undergo rigorous

training to learn how to present products and care for the customers. Workmen

underwent training to learn how to build quality products. However, such programs

have been slashed in recent times as a means for cutting costs (and will be the subject

of a future paper).

There was also a period where mentors were assigned to new employees to chaperone

them on their journey through the corporate world. Mentors were basically a

"Big Brother/Sister" program where senior employees would offer sage advice

to neophytes on adapting to the corporate world. But like the training programs,

mentoring is also being phased out.

Although mentoring and training programs were intended to develop the employee's

skills and effectiveness from a corporate perspective, neither dwelled on the personal

problems of the employee.

Now that new employees are left to fend for themselves, a generation gap is emerging

in business. Managers from just about every job segment are frustrated with new

employees, and, likewise, new employees are frustrated with management. Whereas

managers lament how little is accomplished by new employees, new employees

complain how much time they are putting in at work. This highlights a significant

difference between the generations: whereas the new employees are watching the

clock, the managers are watching what is produced. The two are not synonymous,

but nobody has taught the young employees this yet. To the "newbies," their time is

what is important, regardless if they produce anything worthwhile or not; to the manager,

it is just the opposite. Also, young people believe calling in sick is an acceptable form of

behavior. Where did they learn all this? On their own. It is a sad state of affairs when

the media has more influence over the values of our children than parents do. But

when adults abdicate parenting to the media, it is not entirely surprising.

So, what is needed? More training? Mentoring? Nope. Just some parenting. The sooner

corporations realize this, the sooner they can begin to develop mature and responsible

employees. Again, this is why the military now teaches its Drill Instructors basic

counseling techniques, so they can help new recruits find their way through life and become

a good soldier. It is most definitely not "baby-sitting" but, rather, a recognition that parents

have dropped the ball in their child's development and someone has to pick up the

pieces in order for the newbie to realize their potential.

I do not claim to have a Ph.D. in parenting, but as I see it there are three primary

duties a parent needs to inculcate:

* Role Model - first, a parent has to be a good role model with attributes their subordinates

want to aspire to attain. Role models are respected for their authority and become

a highly credible source of information and inspiration,

* Teacher - second, a parent has to be able to teach, not just academic lessons but

those of life; e.g., morality, socialization, even finances (e.g., balancing a

checkbook, life insurance, etc.). It is the teacher who establishes the rules and

regulations of the classroom and, as such, is also the disciplinarian.

* Guidance Counselor - third, parenting includes guiding others on their path through

life, explaining options and making recommendations.

Very important, a parent has to recognize they won't have all of the answers, but

should know how to point someone in the right direction to get the answers they need.

Above all else, a parent has to care about the welfare of their offspring. I am not

suggesting corporate parents love their children like biological parents, but they

need to invest time in the person, believe in the person, and motivate them

accordingly, whether through kindness or a good swift kick in the rear. The

corporate parent has to also know when their work is complete and allow the

offspring to move on to the next stage of their corporate life.

The military has the advantage of written contracts and boot camps to

indoctrinate new recruits. Perhaps a corporate boot camp could be devised

and teach the same lessons as found in the military, such as:

* Cause and effect, e.g., if you make a mistake, you know you will be penalized accordingly.

* The value of good workmanship and its impact on others.

* How to give and take an order.

* Discipline and code of conduct.

* Teamwork.

CONCLUSION

Companies today are at a loss coping with the newest generation of

workers. What they don't realize is, it will get worse before it gets better. Since

most biological parents are content with allowing others to teach their children

the necessary values in life, teachers, the military and corporations are forced to

pick up the slack, like it or not. The sooner we admit this, the sooner we can address

how to remedy the situation. Whether this involves one-on-one counseling or a

boot camp type of environment, something has to be done to teach our newest wave

of workers the proper values to succeed in business and in life.

Let me leave you with a real-life story on parenting in the workplace. Some time

ago I was visiting with a CIO in Columbus, Ohio who took me on a tour of

his facility. Along the way, we happened upon a young programmer who

was new to the company. Frankly, he looked a little wet behind the ears and

had long hair over his collar. After the CIO introduced me to the young man, he

instructed him to go get a haircut. The young programmer, shot back

indignantly, "You can't say that to me!"

The CIO turned calmly but deliberately to the programmer, and said,

"Yes I can. Watch," then pointing to his mouth, "Get a haircut. Now!"

The programmer backed down and, to his credit, dutifully got a haircut.

I had just witnessed a little "Parenting Management" in action. The CIO

exercised his authority and had quickly instructed the newbie on one

of the rules to be observed in the workplace. The programmer's biological

parents hadn't instructed him properly, now it defaulted to his corporate

parent.

"Parenting Management" - Just remember, you heard it here first.

Tim Bryce is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has 30 years of experience in the field. He is available for training and consulting on an international basis. He can be contacted at: timb001@phmainstreet.com

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