Parenting: how to get two parents on the same page

E. my spouse cannot agree on how to raise our children. I believe that my spouse is too rigid and my spouse believes that I am very gentle. Meanwhile, children are getting away with everything. What to do?

A. This is an excellent and all-too-common question. Thus, in a manner typical therapist, I'm going to start my answer a question.

Where in the world did we get the idea that both parents should agree to every aspect of parenting; supposed to somehow, we believe that two separate individuals, who grew up with different models of how parent (if they had been in all models), life different experiences and possibly different temperaments, going to come together and agree on all aspects of the complex task of parenting.

Sorry, just don't buy it.

Not only this is unenforceable meaning in the real world, it can be a disastrous as well. The best goal, of course, it would be for these two different people to combine their respective parenting styles to a group of regular and supportive parenting is difficult, although it can occur.But when they believe the lie for having always to agree, you can set up a power struggle between two adults.

All of us are right and we tend to fight for. In many cases, instead of coming together as a team, parents grow distance and distance between two lamps, strictly adhering to their own style.

A person with a more aggressive style has something to learn from someone with a more lenient style, and vice versa, but instead of learning from each other, this is more strict and gentle is more lenient. This creates, at best, criticism and discontent, and a large enough for a child to drive a truck through vacuum children suffering, and parents alliloexoydeterwnetai between them.

It also sets up what I call '' parent '' trap. Image on the face of a clock. At 12 o'clock is the word ' angry, ' four ' in the word '' '' and sympathy in eight phrase '' take advantage. ''

Trapping starts when a strange, does something wrong or is the problem; the parent starts at the top of the clock, it becomes '' angry and says something like ' OK, you do so, you're grounded for life!'' or some equally pragmatic proposal.

After a while, the parent moves down the clock for '' hard '', and lets the child off the hook.

Sure enough, the child develops and repeats the same action or something equally disappointing that moves the parent over feeling '' taken advantage of.The mother did not feel this way for a long time before thinking or saying, '' how to do this after you've made for you!?!'' The parent quickly returns to the top of the clock, and anger.''

See the vicious circle that defines? in the middle is the child runs the show.

Now let's complicate even more, with our two styles different parenting process. Imagine having a parent stuck anger and another crash in sympathy or a combination of equally harmful. There is a hole to odigiseis a truck through.

There are many useful features out of this trap parent. one of the simpler called odd/even schedule.

Here is how it works: numbered days, it is a parent of parenting.This means that all discipline, privileges, debates, etc., passed from the parent to that entire day; the other parent is to honour and just say (unless there is blood or some other legitimate emergency).

The parent is on for that day to call about the other parent as a practitioner, if you so choose. otherwise, disable parent required '' personality the wisdom '' for the day, has reversed roles simply have the next day, even on the day of the parent who was responsible is disabled and the parent who was disabled is liable.

This plan can take advantage of the family in several ways:

Parents come together to agree to follow the plan.

To see other this in action and see that he or she can parent takes of each parent.

To practice their own parenting skills takes of each parent.

Children and to see each parent.

The door is open to parents to come together as a group.

The task of parenting is quite difficult, but it does not have to become a power struggle between two adults, it is important to remember that the goal is to form an effective team, with both parents to have their own unique skills and learning; in this way, the whole family benefits.

Visit parentingyourteenager.com for tips and tools for eyimeroyse during teen. you can also subscribe to our f * r * e * e 5 day e-program about The Top 5 Things to never Say to your teenager discounts from parenting coach and expert Jeff herring.